Views and Observations/ shyness

   Why do some people find love and romance while others don’t?
   Have you ever wondered about that? I certainly have, especially considering I’m one of those who’s never found it. So of course, I’d like to know why. But I think it’s safe to say that I’m not the only one who ponders this question.
   There’s a whole myriad of reasons why some people connect with amazing chemistry while others don’t. And let’s be honest: entire books could be written on the subject and still probably not scratch the surface. But I’m going to give you a few of my thoughts on the subject.
   So let’s dive right in!
   Multiple factors such as personality, interests, outlooks, prospects for the future, people’s pasts, and more come into play with regards to whether connection occurs or not. Sometimes, people who are very similar fall in love and connect while other times, it’s two individuals who seem like total opposites. There are those who want a relationship that’s adventurous and passionate while others want one that feels more safe and reliable. Often, it’s a combination of things that people are hoping to find. Many times, the reasons why two people don’t happen to connect are understandable, reasonable, and a part normal life. These can include factors such as interests being too different, having little to nothing in common, lack of physical attraction, personalities clashing, and so on. These things happen. It can be really, really hard to find someone with whom you have true, romantic connection.
   But there are situations where the reasons why one individual refuses to go out with another are more questionable and problematic such as when they’re based on ignorance, prejudice, and intolerance. People often fear or are at least very uncomfortable with things they see as too different and/or don’t understand. This in turn can then lead to their having instant, knee jerk reactions where they automatically refuse to even consider getting to know someone. They don’t give the person the slightest chance. This is clearly very hurtful to the individual being subjected to this kind of treatment, but it also means that the person being narrow-minded may be missing out on something potentially wonderful. Examples of individuals who face this sort of intolerance far too often include people who are bisexual+, transgender, genderfluid, nonbinary, shy, dress differently, or are seen as too different for some other reason. The result is that many people feel unnecessarily isolated and lonely.
   So what can we do about it? Think about how society would be so much better if more people would open their minds and expand their horizons. Instead of automatically rejecting someone they initially see as different, they’d be open to educating themselves and getting to know the individual instead. Perhaps something beautiful would result, or maybe they could become good friends. And sure, while there’s always a possibility that nothing would come of it, people won’t know unless they open their minds and give it a chance.

   When most of society sees you as a bit too different (whether it’s because you’re LGBTQ, are quiet, wear unique clothes, whatever), it can be extremely unsettling, disturbing, isolating, and downright painful when people you know and thought you could trust don’t believe you when you tell them who you are. It gets worse when they keep sticking to their guns despite your continued efforts to explain the situation to them.
   People from all walks of life run into this problem. For example, it’s very common for those who are LGBTQ. It may come in the form of friends or relatives trying to convince a queer person that they’re not really queer, that it must be just a phase or confusion. The situation is compounded when the LGBTQ individual still won’t be believed despite their repeated efforts to explain who they are and how they feel. And it’s not just LGBTQ individuals who run into this issue. Others such as individuals who are quiet, have distinctive clothing styles, pursue unique interests, are neurodiverse, or are seen as a bit too different for some other reason commonly run into this problem.
   It leaves us wondering why this happens?
   Think about this: people are often uncomfortable with things they see as too different and don’t understand. As a result of this, it’s not uncommon for people to want to either change the individual whom they see as too different or to distance themselves from that individual, both of which are painful and isolating to the person subjected to this. It also leaves the people who are exhibiting this behavior as more narrow-minded to the diversity and beauty of life as compared to what they could be.
   So I encourage and even plead for everyone to open their minds to things they may not understand and initially might see as a bit too different for their comfort. Now, I’m not saying put yourself unnecessarily in harm’s way. There are situations (like if a person is being threatening, dangerous, etc) where distancing yourself is the right move. But if someone you know, for example, says they’re queer or like wearing clothes you personally think are kind of out there, instead of automatically trying to distance yourself from them or immediately trying to change them, strive to learn about the situation first. Be open to the possibilities and expand your horizons. For in doing so, there’s a very good chance you’ll be pleasantly surprised, in which case, the lives of everyone involved will likely be improved.

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